I got a car.
My Whole life, I have loved my father. I looked up to him, respected his every word, did everythign he wanted and more. I just wanted him to understand me and listena, see me and love me as much as my brother. I never loved my mother. Or i do but only becuase i have to. She relies on men and can;t take care of herself. So i became a daddy's girl. Although my dad never knew how to treat me, or talk to me, or knew what to give me. I always tryed to do the things he wanted my brother to do. I tryed to not do the things he hated my brother to do. Yet, i never got anything and he got everything. He got the one on one talks, the car, the attention. He got the laptop, the respect, the understandment. All i got was arguements and promises unkept. I still tryed to do my best. I never ask for money becuase he got so stressed when tim did, i do my best to tell him where im going, i stay out of trouble, i got a job, i do good in school. I did it for him for the longest time to show HIM i was worthy.
Last year, i saw his arms all cutt up, scabed. He twitched alot and was never really home. Driving up to Greenville, seeing him in the car. His arms. I thought he had cancer or was very sick and didnt want me to know.
I was the second to know besides my step mother. She told me. she Sat me down and told me. "your father is on serious drugs. He has spent over 10,000 dollars on them, prob. more." In denial, we search the house for proof. We found 3 unused surenges, 2 used, two bags of white power,5 used spoons and a lighter within 15 minutes.
Over a year he was on them. Doing speed, then crack, then crank. He started by selling them, then using them, then addiction. He was involved with the number one wanted drug dealer in the state. Spent over 25,000 dollars on drugs.
I stayed with him. Acted liek things were normal in hopes he would get better. I was paronoid to go downstairs at night, or to leave my room, scared to find him with a needle or a straw.
I moved out after my dog died. After he cussed me out and my best friend. Afetr he told me how my dog was going to die horibly by choking to death. I moved in with my mother. This is how i gained my true indepedance. I used her truck and payed for gas, did fine in school, payed for my meals, worked. All this for myself rather. I found part of me.
Over the summer i left to get away. To my grandparents. This is while my dad got into some help. Went to meetings and started to get better. I didnt believe it. From what i heard he was going to kill himself or be kicked out.
He would call every now and then. He sounded better but who knows. Finally i came home. Everything was peacefull. There was no fighting, my dad was calm. It was weird. Soon i realised it was better. My dad had been seing a theropist who helped him help himself with stress. He realised what he had been doing and stoped. He is clean. Cleaner than he has ever been. He listens to me, he understand me, he agrees and does not argue.
He is to me what i wanted all along. A father who reconized me.
The other day i drove by the acura dealer ship. They had this beautiful 99 Integra sitting in the used car lot. I stoped to check it out. Good interior, not too beat up, 58,000 miles, Midnight Blue. It was perfect for me.
I figured ill let him know, if he listens then great. I didnt expect him to anyway.
I told him about it and let him know that i was able and ready to afford it. That i have worked hard for this.
A week later, we were sitting in the dealership, buying my car. No arguments arose. It was simple.
He did everything he could to get me this car, just like he would have for my brother. He listened to me, and understood what i have accomplished.
He cares.
I have a wonderfull father, who i am proud of. I am proud of his courage and love.
He is my dad, and i am his little girl.